Anxiety Sucks And This Is My Struggle With It

This is one quote that has set me on a different path of thinking since the day I heard it at our church.

Our church is a partner church of North Point Community Church where Andy Stanley is the teaching pastor.

This particular Sunday, I was out of the service tending to Morgan. After she calmed down and went to sleep in her carrier, I walked back into service. As soon as I sat down, that quote is what I heard.

I knew that God was speaking to me and I needed to hear exactly what Andy was saying.

Anxiety is something I have dealt with since the passing of Jared’s Grandfather. I was pretty close with him and even though he had been sick and somewhat to be expected, it rocked my world. It was the first time I experienced losing a loved one.

Since then, I have struggled with the fear of dying. Of course I don’t want my loved ones to pass, but more than anything, my anxiety has to do with me.

It hits me at the weirdest moments like a brick wall. I start thinking about the future (and sometimes I’m not even thinking about anything close!) and then my mind wonders off to the fact that, crap!, one day I’m not going to be here.

Like all of a sudden, this horrible realization of reality just smacks me across the face. My whole body becomes warm and tingly and I go into panic. If it’s a bad episode, I start crying and nothing makes sense. It’s absolutely awful.

Over the years, I have realized that the one thing that helps me the most, is my relationship with my heavenly Father

That is the one way that I can calm down. I think about what He has done for me and how I can absolutely trust in Him.

That’s not to say that it is easy, or that is easy for me to trust. I most definitely have a struggle with trusting in a lot to do with faith, but I have to continually work on it.

Jared and I are a part of a small group at church. Our church is huge on “circles are better than rows” mentality and I am so thankful for that.

Without our small group, I have no idea where I would be in my faith or in my battle with anxiety. Without them and growing through and with them, I can only imagine how bad it’d be.

Before this quote, I was headed back down a dark path

So, before this quote that I heard at church, I was starting to go back downhill with panic attacks and just random thoughts. And even though thinking about that and really focusing on happiness and not focusing on something I will never be able to control, I found myself struggling.

This is another HUGE reason why this healthy lifestyle and working out is super important to me. Before, my goals were only physical. Of course, I still have those goals, but I am also very focused on maintaining this lifestyle for my emotional health.

Even though I know I will have to always continue to strive for low stress (induces my anxiety, big time) and always work on staying close to God and working on my faith, working out is a huge help to me.

I am so thankful to be back in CrossFit and I am seeing so many positive results already from changing our eating habits.

I can’t wait to look back on this post in the future and be so happy knowing that I stuck to my goals and it made me a stronger person, emotionally and physically.

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